When someone asks you for a PIN are you like me? Do you send your mind on a wild hunt through neural pathways trying to link the right PIN to the right transaction? Do you then look blankly at the shop assistant and say sorry I just used the wrong PIN for that card? Pretending that its because its the end of a long day? Or if you’re like me, pretending (insert worrying) that its it an age thing.
My pin for my Eftpos card and the tele-access number for the same account are so similar that when I have access problems and need to speak to an “operator” (don’t you just love that word – not teller or a bank officer – an “operator”!) we end up in a delightful discussion of me trying various combinations, “Well there’s a 4 and, and 8 and I think a three, maybe another 4!” Lucky for those 8’s I have lot’s of them linked into my life, (born on the 8th and all that!)
But truly I have so many PINS. For my GoVia account, my flicker Account, my PayPal, my Bank, My work.
Actually for work it’s passwords: that need to be changed every 90 days, three different systems, three different passwords and and one PIN and none of the changes in sync and needing to be changed every ninety days.
Do you just hate it when it once again its time to change your password? I do!
What do you use, the endless list of ex-boyfriends? I’m much too old for that, and using ‘X’ anything is far too painful?
I’ve tried the family names, my son’s name, my husbands – don’t think I feel connected enough to use my mothers and brothers and sisters. I don’t have pets. I could use wines! That is something I CAN associate with, trouble being that it takes at least three weeks before the habit becomes instilled and by then I’ve instilled a few different colours and varieties of grapes, and probably killed a few more of those neural pathways.
Actually when I look at the pattern of names I’ve used in the past I find some very interesting Freudian associations. From memory – and it is rather hazy – I started with my first email account heartwise@ourbrisbane.com. Nice easy password. HEART. Used that in work emails too. Until they came up with the idea letters and numbers. So, HEART66. Nice and easy.
I was doing my thesis in art therapy at the time, and my theme was ‘Connection’. The previous years for me had been tough, I suffered the loss of my eldest son, my marriage of 20 years, my running away to the city, the loss of a great job when I ran away. I was suffering trauma overload, I didn’t like anyone and didn’t want anyone to get too close. I really needed to reconnect so the theme of hearts went through everything in my life. I quilted blankets, (6 actually, not including half a dozen cushions, a bit over the top I know) I wrote poems, painted pictures, journalled and wore heart Pyjamas. I knew what was wrong but couldn’t do anything about it. So hearts and angels, were around me, although I never got quite so wanky as to use ANGELS as a password!
Next password I remember using was my son’s name, again with 66. Things weren’t great with us, he was growing up, growing away. As single mum I sucked. I overcompensated, gave in, forgot to let him know that loved him. Much easier to use his name as a password then to tell him. Shame he never saw how many days I wrote his name or thought of him.
I then met my current husband and flirted with using his name. It never seemed to fit. So it became that using both their names was only something I did intermittently. (I’m not game to think what Freud would have said about this slip.
Through all this time I tried to become more consciously aware of my behaviours, how they affected my relationships and how they impacted on my success, or lack of success. I also wrote and wrote and wrote, till finally I wrote myself out. No I did not come out, or run out of things to write about, but finally I started to understand myself and had a package of poems that were worth sharing. Sharing with the world no less!
Problem! I still had issues about myself, about my ability to present myself at a high level. I was ready to share locally, but nationally? Internationally? So, out came the vision board. You know, those boards where you put pictures of where you want to go, who you want to be and then ‘vision’ it and it will come. I found a picture I loved in an Oprah Magazine – where else? It was of a woman leaping over a haystack. I was ready. I could leap. Big leap. Big drawn star on the board with the words ‘ a leap’ embellished inside. ALEAP became my next password. I was ready to make that leap into believing that I could step away from the ordinary into the extra-ordinary and all it would take was a leap.
Synchronicity also came into play, I’d just become a new grandmother to little Alea-Persia. Wow! This was going to happen. I could make the leap using my granddaughter’s name as the springboard. Three weeks, remember, to make a habit. Then time for it to sink into my mind. Become part of my new psyche
I kept the ’66’. For the would-be numerologists among you 6 is the number for family, community service. By doubling it I thought it made a great number for one who wants to be connected.
Sometimes I’d go back to the HEART, but recently I had to make up a new password, I was ready for change. Having launched my poems, the deepest expressions of my heart I DO now finally know myself. I know they path I have trod, I understand the lessons I have been given. I am grateful for the adventure. Not an adventure I would have chose, but surely a wondrous one. I am happy to be who I am the age I am. My password?
MARILYN52! Finally I am me!!!
If you would like to believe that I AM only 52, great!!!. But the 52 is my birth year. I am older, greyer and wiser but more importantly I am able to acknowledge and honour ALL parts of me.
Theheartwisecrone's Blog 